Welcome to Carnivorous Caribou

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

SFL--Week 5

The Week of the Goose Egg

Not giving their fans all that they've paid for, many owners seem to have lost interest in following their team. Some speculate that it is the busy fall schedule. Others claim it is that NBA preseason begins this week. But mostly, it appears, owners believe the season is over already. "Danny's probably locked up the championship," said an owner who wished to remain anonymous. "It's just not as fun playing for second place."


Great Danes 63.10
Bee Stings 132.47

Many owners' feelings of defeat were justified this weekend when Danny rattled off a league leading 132.47. After the game, Wright credited most of his players with a job well done, saying, "It's hard to say one player is the MVP when they all played so well, but I was especially pleased to see Antonio Gates (10.05) totally embarrass Tony Gonzalez (0).

Deaf Pears 70.66
Attack of the Llamas 48.09

Zach walks away with a victory in round one of the "fisher cup." After the game, Zach stated, "McNair (27.05) gets all the props in this game. He was "kruckeberg!" Wondering what "kruckeberg" meant, Jordan explained, "for some reason, ever since August, Zach keeps driving down Kruckeberg Road weeping." Jordan, however, was the one weeping this weekend, when Donovan McNabb was only able to rattle off 1.72 points.

Goodasgoldfinches 123.20
the REAL finch 88.88

The lucky breaks for the Finch household had to end for someone this week. Todd catches a break when Vick's (0 points-dnp) injury limits CJ to 88 points. Todd may have survived another week with old man McNair (27.05) but he has to wonder at what time this run is going to end.

Fighting Amish 87.49
Terrell's Sharpies 99.44

A strange set of events appeared to play into the Sharpies getting above .500 for the first time this season. Down by just 2 at half time, Coach Kory gave the symbol to trot out Viniatieri (1 point) for a field goal. However, Puckett's recently broken collarbone limited him to only raising one hand in the air. Apparently, some overly sensitive Shaprie fans thought Pucketts was signaling to Hitler. Things got ugly as fans through items on the field and began jeering the Amish. "We just weren't the same after that," Kory bemoaned, "I need a twinkie."

Speaking of Twinkies, let's turn our attention to the RED CONFERENCE

Galloping Greyhounds 76.31
Bradshaws Bloggers 76.88

Two of the powerhouse teams of this conference squared off in a much anticipated matchup. Fans were not disappointed as they witnessed one of the closest games of all time. Bradshaw, who has by far been the most concerned in the league about not showing his cards too early, really got after Keenan McCardell to keep the game close. "Keenan's the leading receiver in the league," Bradshaw explained, "but I told him I didn't need him to do that this week. This week I needed him to do just enough to counter Hines Ward's (5.35) points. With .45 points, Keenan did just that."

Graceful Gorillas 79.60
Ty's Tyrants 114.27

"I really thought 79 points would be enough to win in this conference," Monty Stump complained. "That's why I went ahead and started Gonzalez (0 points)." While he is right that 79 points would win a lot in the Red Conference, he underestimated the damage Alge Crumpler (12.15) could do.

Jones Cyclones 123.72
Great Dawgs 71.97

Andrew Jones rattles off the second best score of the week to secure his first win of the season. Said Jones, when asked about his team's new enthusiasm, "My guys just needed a swift kick to get them going." No word on whether that was a Bulgarian Toad Kick or a Dangling Participle kick. Whatever it was, it got Stephen Jackson's (17.55) attention as he out performed Deuce McAllister (6).

Derek's Derelicts 59.82
AJ's Wildcats 105.39

Continuing a very bizarre week, Gus Frerotte wins team MVP this week with 13.92. While the Wildcat media acknowledged this is the first time in history that Frerotte has won an award for positive accomlishment, it also has something to do with the fact that he was paired up against Kurt Warner (0 points).

Season Standings

5-0 aka Is the Finch Dynasty begininng to crumble?

4-1 aka I hope they haven't peaked too soon
the REAL finch
ty's tyrants
Bradshaw's Bloggers
AJ's Wildcats

3-2 aka If you're not scared of these teams, something's wrong
Bee Stings
Terrell's Sharpies
Galloping Greyhounds

2-3 aka Dick or Zach would probably jump at this record for the Browns or Pack
Deaf Pears
Great Dawgs
Derek's Derelicts

1-4 aka Asking to play Monty next week
Fighting Amish
Attack of the Llamas
Great Dawgs
Jones Cyclones

0-5 aka Can't we have a bye week?
Graceful Gorillas


  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger Jones said…

    You bet I kicked my team into shape. I was getting tired of being beaten like a redheaded stepchild. Anyway, I tried sending you some more odd news stories and your e-mail blocked it saying it was spam... I'm having the same problem with Jason's e-mail. Evil spam blocker hates redheads. Maybe I should kick that too...

  • At 2:49 PM, Blogger Jones said…

    P.S.- I used the Tripple Norweigan Fudge of Cardiac Arrest Kick.

  • At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    you forgot to put that m.vick AND c.williams didn't play.vick and williams are some of my leading scorers.i dont want an earful ant youth group wed. but i know i'm gonna get it anyway.

    -the REAL finch


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home