Welcome to Carnivorous Caribou

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

SFL--Week 2

Black Conference

Great Danes 105.42
Deaf Pears 60.67

Dane decided to attack with an aerial assault. Santana Moss (20.95) outshined Joey Porter (4.40) and helped pull the Danes to a big lead. After the game, Coach Ganger was seen shouting to Zach, "Go ask your dad who the real big dog is, eh!" Thankfully, the situation was diffused by a kind young woman from Goshen, Indiana. She explained to Dane, "You have to take it easy on Zach. His Packers are terrible, so he has to pick a new team to root for." Word on the street is that Zach will wait until about week 12 to decide who his new favorite team will be.

Terrell's Sharpies 85.57
Goodasgoldfinches 108.2

Finch rolls out to a 2-0 start for the first time in his fantasy football career. Again, this battle was fought in the air...each owner pitting southern gunslingers against one another. In the end, Favre (27.70) outclassed Jake "Of the Homme" (2.78) and propelled the yellowbirds to their second win. We all should be excited for Todd, because it looks like his team is the only way the Packers are getting a sniff of the playoffs.

Fighting Amish 77.92
Attack of the Llamas 82.2

Without a doubt the MVMVP (most valuable most valuable player) award for this week has to go to Donovan McNabb. Without McNabb (37.44), Jordan would have only scored 44.76 points. Of course, without Drew Brees (-1.5) this week, Kory would have had more points.

the REAL finch 127.55
Bee Stings 80.72

In what may go down as one of the most shocking defeats in Fantasy Football history, the Bee Stings took a hit to fall to 1-1. In his press conference after the game, Coach Wright explained how this shocker happened. "I don't think anyone would try to claim we were outcoached. I think even CJ knows better than that. Bottom line is, defense wins championships. Cami did not beat us today. PITTSBURGH (15 points) did. I kept trying to tell my Lions defense (-1 point) all day to play like Steelers. But there's only one team that can do that." Danny then announced that the Lions were cut from his team.

Red Conference (also known as the "b league")

Galloping Greyhounds 94.60
Graceful Gorillas 88.23

The Greyhounds defense (Minnesota, -3) did all they had to to stave off the Gorilla attack. Though Monty's 9 points from the Patriots defense was strong, he got torched by Kerry Collins and Carson Palmer. After the game, Gregg explained what he told his defense before taking the field. "I told the defense they could lose 9 points and I would still be comfortable. I think my team showed genuine grit to only give up three points on defense instead. These guys are warriors."

EDITORIAL COMMENT: uh, gregg scored 94.6 points with his defense getting -3 points. are you folks in the red conference dead meat or what? seriously, someone drive down to cincinnati and break the legs of some of his players, or rip him off in a trade before the bee stings have to face him in the super bowl!

AJ Wildcats 78.82
Jones Cyclones 60.63

Joining the long list of players that outclassed his brother this weekend, Eli Manning (12.5) buried Drew Brees (-1.5) in head-to-head competition. It appears that Chris was able to disturb the play calling of the Cyclones through confusion over team names. Many of the Cyclones assumed that AJ had to do with their owner, and therefore quit tackling other players. Coach Jones was quoted after the game as saying, "I think that was a dirty trick by Chris...or should I call him AJ? Chris better never see me in an alley or I'll bust out a "chocolate-monkey-titanium-uber-kick" on him. He won't know what hit him."

Derek's Derelicts 98.23
Captain Underpants 58.16

Ty became the only Finch of the household this weekend to suffer defeat. Somehow, Byron Leftwich's 2.31 points couldn't seem to keep him on pace with Donavon McNabb's 37.44 points. [This is where I would type some weird comment about Captain Underpants but I just can't seem to get motivated to do so knowing that Ty will change the name of his team to something like, "My, This Is A Run On Sentence" instead of giving it a real name.]

Great Dawgs 81.86
Bradshaws Bloggers 95.54

No one is excited to stand eye to eye to Peyton Manning. However, Matt Hasselbeck (20.87) became the second opposing quarterback in two weeks to outscore Manning (3.04). Said Hasselbeck after the game, "I can see why all the Browns comparisons are made. These guys were so easy to throw on. You'd have to be the Packers to lose to these guys!"

Season Review:

2-0 (AKA. "It Can Only Go Downhill From Here.")
Derelicts, Greyhounds, REAL finch, Goodasgoldfinches

1-1 (AKA. "The Most Balanced Teams.")
Bloggers, Dawgs, Underpants, Wildcats, Bee Stings, Llamas, Danes, Pears

0-2 (AKA "Wanted: Free Agents.")
Cyclones, Gorillas, Amish, Sharpies

2 Comments:

  • At 7:18 AM, Blogger Jones said…

    Just wait till I whip out the chocolate-monkey-titanium-uber-kick. I will get revenged. Victory shall be mine.

     
  • At 7:42 PM, Blogger Gary Underwood said…

    Beware of the Browns. The days of taking them lightly and making silly cheapshots like this on your blog are over.

    Welcome to the Romeo Crennel era.

     

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home