I Don't Deserve This
Today has been a crazy day.
I had a long meeting with a brother in the Lord. I don't know that it had any value for him, but it was wonderful just to be able to share my heart and not be condemned. He's a godly man. To this man: I know you read this blog (eventually), and just want to tell you how much I appreciated today. I did most of the talking, so I hope you don't feel like the meeting was pointless. Your listening ear, and pointed "perspective" was just what the doctor ordered. Thank you. I love you, brother.
Our meeting went longer than I expected and so I was in catchup mode for our first real night of SHAKE this school year. (It was also the first night in a long time that Charity wasn't here with me, since she was at home with the kids.) I have to tell you, some thoughts went through my head tonight (I know, don't act so shocked):
1. There are few things on this planet that sound as beautiful as teenagers offering themselves to God in worship. The student worship team was warming up as I was preparing. It was a practice, so they would stop, review, correct and repeat some things. Yet, it was a tremendous blessing to me. I tried to tell them how much I appreciate them, and found myself tearing up. (WARNING: having two daughters turns you into an absolute sap!)
2. We have a great group of students. Can I just be honest (sure I can, it's my blog!) As a youth pastor, I often feel terribly inadequate. I don't feel like I have the best people skills. I'm not a real "buddy buddy" guy. But I LOVE these students. I don't think they know that, or if they do, they don't realize how much. I looked around the room tonight and just soaked in the people here. The students and the youth staff each. They deserve a better youth pastor than the one they have.
3. I miss our graduates. Not to take anything away from the current group, obviously. But this was our first real meeting without the 2005 graduates, and I missed them. To make matters worse, a couple of them posted nice comments on my blog tonight and just make it worse. Natty, Rachel, Lucas, Sarah, Rita, Chris, Tony, Cary, and Finch...I miss you. I'm praying for you. Let us know any way we can help.
Now I must complete my blog and head to bed. Knowing that my beautiful family is probably asleep (including the week old infant who is practically sleeping through the night!!!!!). A family I couldn't have dreamed up, yet they are a reality...and one I don't deserve.
How could I ever think I would have a right to grumble at God for what He has given me? He owes me nothing. In myself, I deserve hell. Hasn't He already given too much that He has given me eternal life? Now He just chooses to pour blessing on, even into this pathetic life I live (pathetic because of the way I live it, not because of what He has given).
I had a long meeting with a brother in the Lord. I don't know that it had any value for him, but it was wonderful just to be able to share my heart and not be condemned. He's a godly man. To this man: I know you read this blog (eventually), and just want to tell you how much I appreciated today. I did most of the talking, so I hope you don't feel like the meeting was pointless. Your listening ear, and pointed "perspective" was just what the doctor ordered. Thank you. I love you, brother.
Our meeting went longer than I expected and so I was in catchup mode for our first real night of SHAKE this school year. (It was also the first night in a long time that Charity wasn't here with me, since she was at home with the kids.) I have to tell you, some thoughts went through my head tonight (I know, don't act so shocked):
1. There are few things on this planet that sound as beautiful as teenagers offering themselves to God in worship. The student worship team was warming up as I was preparing. It was a practice, so they would stop, review, correct and repeat some things. Yet, it was a tremendous blessing to me. I tried to tell them how much I appreciate them, and found myself tearing up. (WARNING: having two daughters turns you into an absolute sap!)
2. We have a great group of students. Can I just be honest (sure I can, it's my blog!) As a youth pastor, I often feel terribly inadequate. I don't feel like I have the best people skills. I'm not a real "buddy buddy" guy. But I LOVE these students. I don't think they know that, or if they do, they don't realize how much. I looked around the room tonight and just soaked in the people here. The students and the youth staff each. They deserve a better youth pastor than the one they have.
3. I miss our graduates. Not to take anything away from the current group, obviously. But this was our first real meeting without the 2005 graduates, and I missed them. To make matters worse, a couple of them posted nice comments on my blog tonight and just make it worse. Natty, Rachel, Lucas, Sarah, Rita, Chris, Tony, Cary, and Finch...I miss you. I'm praying for you. Let us know any way we can help.
Now I must complete my blog and head to bed. Knowing that my beautiful family is probably asleep (including the week old infant who is practically sleeping through the night!!!!!). A family I couldn't have dreamed up, yet they are a reality...and one I don't deserve.
How could I ever think I would have a right to grumble at God for what He has given me? He owes me nothing. In myself, I deserve hell. Hasn't He already given too much that He has given me eternal life? Now He just chooses to pour blessing on, even into this pathetic life I live (pathetic because of the way I live it, not because of what He has given).
posted by danny2 @ 8:47 PM
4 Comments:
At 9:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
God bless you.....
At 10:24 AM,
Anonymous said…
thanks for making me cry, danny ;)
no really - i did cry when i read your post. though i'm attending a contemporary christian school, nothing is like ggbc. i miss it everything about it SO much!
i'm going to be all the more grateful for the few times i come home and am able to be in such an amazing environment again - i can't wait to come home and go to church!
At 10:00 PM,
Jones said…
People come into your life for a reason, a season
or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you
will know what to do for that person. When someone
is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a
need you have expressed. They have come to assist
you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance
and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or
spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they
are. They are there for the reason you need them to
be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at
an inconvenient time, this person will say or do
something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer
you sent up has been answered and now it is time to
move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never
done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime
lessons, things you must build upon in order to have
a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept
the lesson, love the person and put what you have
learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your
life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Ok, I didn't write that... But it's the best e-mail I've ever recieved and it's so true.
At 2:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
Awww...I miss you too! I have told my parents so many times that the Grace Brethren church Ralph and I found here is great but it's just not home. I can never tell you how much of an impact you and Charity had on my life. I loved coming to SHAKE just to hear you speak. It is crazy to think that I will never be in youth group at GGBC again. I have memories and life experiences that will last a lifetime. Because of the commitment you had to the teens, I have a closer walk with my God and Savior. Thank you so much Danny!
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