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Friday, December 16, 2005

Guest Post: Charity Wright

I've been telling my wife for quite some time that she needs to start writing a blog. She told me she would wait until she found something truly worth writing about...

That topic has finally arrived.

Yuletide Acne

It was a magical evening. Our little family drove through the wintry twilight to take in the lights, the elves and reindeer, the nativity scenes and the softly falling snow, as Christmas sang in our hearts to the tune of Mariah Carey’s Christmas album. It’s a tradition we hope to continue for years to come. Rachel & Zeke shouted excitedly from the back seat every time they saw "Frosty the Snowman." Danny & I held hands in the front and just took in the joy of the season, while Kari made contented sleeping noises from her infant seat.

But suddenly, the magic ended as our starry eyes fell on a hideous sight. The front bushes on an otherwise respectable-looking house were covered with a garish little grid – rows and rows of neon pink, blue, green and yellow lights. This monstrosity covered the front part of the bushes, and ended abruptly in a perfect line about halfway across the last bush. It was then that I realized: Net lights are a zit on the face of Christmas: an angry red blemish marring the beautiful face of the greatest holiday known to man. As early as October I begin counting the days until Christmas – for this?? I am convinced that every time another net of neon nastiness is thrown onto a poor, unsuspecting bush, an angel actually loses his wings.

The charm of Christmas lights lies in their imperfections; somehow when they wink at you in uneven rows around an evergreen they seem more friendly, more inviting. Not so with net lights, which have all the personality of a giant waffle. Don’t get me wrong – at times, when done well, white net lights can be tolerable. But the colored ones are just downright offensive. I understand the need to save time, but I have to say that generally I would rather see no lights at all than those of the net variety. Let’s start taking some pride in the way we decorate for Christmas!

My personal favorite is net lighting draped on fences, or stretched out and hung from the eaves (After all, what could be more charming than little diagonal rows of neon icicles?). We’ve even seen it marring an entire rooftop. What will they think of next? Net lights for Christmas trees? Net ribbon to grace wreaths and garlands? How about nets full of cherubs? People, the insanity must stop!

We need to form a united front against tacky Christmas decorations if we want our children to have any chance of growing up in a world where Christmas is once again a thing of beauty and grace. Together we can pop this zit!


  • At 4:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    I might be late for the Youth Christmas Party. I need to go take down my colored net lights off the barn.


  • At 4:44 PM, Anonymous Katie said…

    darn! me too. wait, if i'm in indiana and you're in ohio then... nevermind!:)

  • At 7:53 PM, Blogger ~d said…

    i absolutely agree with you, charity. one year i bought a set, put them on a bush, turned on the lights, took them off the bush and returned them to the store. i'm a very organized person and i rather like structure, but something about those perfect, orderly rows leaves me cold. when it comes to lights, give me twinkling randomness!

  • At 10:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wow! I knew Danny married above himself, but I had no idea how far. I would suggest having the guest author as a regular feature, she's a really good writer.

    Danny, keep plugging away. You're a good writer, too. Really. :>)

  • At 5:27 PM, Anonymous lyndie said…

    i hope icicle lights aren't offensive to you...
    i did not appreciate the charms of tinsel and uncoordinated christmas decorations until i was rocked in the arms of the neslin family christmas. praising God for a renewed mind!
    btw- great writing. danny, are you trying to steal david's fans? JK ;)

  • At 8:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Lyndie -

    I love icicle lights, in the right setting. On your cabin, they're fabulous!



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